Apostacy and Wolves

1 Maccabees 2: 15 - 29

15
Then the king's officers who were enforcing the apostasy came to the city of Modein to make them offer sacrifice.
16
Many from Israel came to them; and Mattathias and his sons were assembled.
17
Then the king's officers spoke to Mattathias as follows: "You are a leader, honored and great in this city, and supported by sons and brothers.
18
Now be the first to come and do what the king commands, as all the Gentiles and the men of Judah and those that are left in Jerusalem have done. Then you and your sons will be numbered among the friends of the king, and you and your sons will be honored with silver and gold and many gifts."
19
But Mattathias answered and said in a loud voice: "Even if all the nations that live under the rule of the king obey him, and have chosen to do his commandments, departing each one from the religion of his fathers,
20
yet I and my sons and my brothers will live by the covenant of our fathers.
21
Far be it from us to desert the law and the ordinances.
22
We will not obey the king's words by turning aside from our religion to the right hand or to the left.”

23
When he had finished speaking these words, a Jew came forward in the sight of all to offer sacrifice upon the altar in Modein, according to the king's command.
24
When Mattathias saw it, he burned with zeal and his heart was stirred. He gave vent to righteous anger; he ran and killed him upon the altar.



November 17, 2011

This was the Old Testament reading at morning Mass today. When I entered Church I must admit that I felt much as did Mattathais. Righteous anger was burning in my heart. I grasped in my hand the current Catholic Free Press, Dated Nov 11, 2011. As bishops stay neutral, voters have say on ‘personhood’ the headline reads.

When I was just a little girl, the ‘right to kill’ one’s own child, as long as it resided within the womb, was granted universally to any woman living in The United States of America. This right was granted by a court composed of nine justices. A seven to two majority vote deemed abortion a fundamental constitutional right. Remember always what abortion is. Abortion is the deliberate killing of a ‘fetus’ and fetus means offspring in Latin. The year was 1973 and the States could impose no restrictions during the first trimester. In 1992 the right to kill your unborn child was extended to the ninth month under the notion of privacy.

On November 8th 2011 a ballot question was proposed to the voters of Mississippi. It would have amended the state constitution to define a human being, a person, as existing from the moment of conception. The Catholic bishops of Mississippi decided to remain silent. They decided to take no position. The USCCB as far as I know, made no recommendation to the Faithful.

Strange in how short a time, things have changed. When I was 13 the nuns taught us that human life began at conception. Not only did human life begin at conception, but the soul, which is the special creation of God, was also created and given at that very moment. Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart. (Jeremiah 1:5) When one considers the awesome humility of a God who would submit His own action to the whim of His creatures there is cause for trembling. However sperm meets egg, whether within the intended confines of marriage or outside of that holy bond, God has obligated Himself to the special creation of an eternal soul.

In 1973, the medical community claimed they didn’t know when life began. The seven justices who made abortion a legal right didn’t know when life began. Imagine that!! They just didn’t know. The Catholic bishops of Mississippi 'remain neutral on the issue of personhood.' Can anyone today legitimally claim that they still don’t know when a human life begins? Apparently so, as proposition 26, known as the Personhood Amendment was defeated by a 58 to 42 percent margin. With all of the technology available to us, hi definition ultrasounds etc. they just still don’t know.

Our Constitution guarantees the right to life, so life MUST be denied. It has to be or abortion would be obviously declared illegal. Truth is denied and Christ is slain once again by His own. His bishops deny Him by remaining silent, justifying the self-told lies that have perpetuated the gravest of moral evils, the murder of innocents. Those bishops are guilty of the sin of omission, and by that ommission are complicit in the murder of innocent children. How many conciences would be awakened by the sound of truth If our shepherds would stand proudly with Christ and declared unequivocally, what we all know anyway, that human life begins at conception. Perhaps then the headline under The Catholic Free Press stating “ You shall know the truth and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32) would be more than just words. The bishops know the truth and by their silence they advance anti-life/pro abortion politics in our country. Their lack of action leads the flock astray. They make up excuses for their silence but will face the judgment seat of God one day. "If you deny me I will deny you' warns Jesus. By abnegating their responsibility to the body of Christ, they are culpable for abortions that will continue to be performed, aided by their deafening silence. I am filled with the anger of Mattathaias and the truth burns in my heart. The body of Christ is betrayed once again. The blood of the innocent unborn "offspring' continues to cry out for God's justice.

Fearful Shepherds or Wolves?

Fearful Shepherds?


I am writing in response to Father Michael N. Lavalle’s Sunday Epistle on ‘body image’ The Catholic Free Press Aug 26, 2011. I have something to say to you Father, “gracias, merci, danke, salamat, and so forth. . .” Thank you Father from one of the beleaguered faithful, for voicing the little proclaimed truth that sexual immorality within the Church is unacceptable but I would go futher and say that it is intolerable. It is massively destructive to the human soul. Growing up in the sixty’s, I can write from experience. Having drifted away from chastity as a young person, and consequently having also drifted away from The Catholic Church, I know full well the dangers to both soul and body. The two are fundamentally connected and as I see it, the pastors of the Catholic Church, as Christ’s representatives on earth, have a solemn duty to preach on the dangers of sexual sin. How much misery, attendant to unchaste living such as fornication, adultery, contraception, abortion, pornography, pedophilia, divorce, homosexuality and so forth and so on . . . . . could have been avoided if our priests had had the courage of the Apostles and had challenged the depravity of our modern culture, is sadly unknown. By its very nature sexual sin has caused the decimation of many lives. It is not for nothing that St Paul exhorts the Christian to “flee sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:18). I know of no other sin which we are told to flee. One flees a situation that is fraught with imminent danger.

It has been a perpetual question of mine, as to why our spiritual shepherds have remained largely and steadfastly mute on the most dangerous sins of our day. Why have I never heard a forthright sermon against the absolute tragedy of babies slaughtered in their mother’s wombs? Why have I heard not a hint from the pulpit that contraception is gravely wrong in God’s eyes? Why do our priests blithely marry cohabitating couples without so much as a blush at their premarital behavior, nor even a mild warning that their sexual sin may be detrimental to not only their future marriage but also to their souls.

By the grace of God I found my way back to the ‘Truth’ established by Jesus Christ, but the journey has been long and filled with suffering.

Having been back in the Church for over twenty years, I am happy to see this subject broached by a priest of the Catholic Church. I can’t help but wonder why it has taken so long for me to see a published article by a Catholic priest, addressing a subject that has caused so much loss of faith and even life. I have taught many religious education classes over the years and I and have often addressed the subject of sexual sin with my young high school students. I have always found it necessary to first, educate those entrusted to me, on the nature of objective mortal sin, its consequences and its gravity, in light of the Church’s teaching. I have found consistently that the vast majority of young adults lack an even fundamental understanding of what constitutes a grave sin. When, after explaining the relationship of the grave nature of sexual sin, to their salvation, their faces register shock. Their expressions are a testament to the woeful failure of both pastors and parents to protect these treasured souls. Whenever, I have taught on the nature of venial vs. mortal sin, my young students wish to know one thing only, mirroring the question of the young ruler, “What must I do to be saved?” When presented with the truth that behavior matters to their eternal destiny, they wish to be saved and they are indeed willing to change their behavior.

How can they be saved if no one is willing to tell them? They wish to know the truth and to follow it! To not tell the full truth to our young people as well as to the middle-aged and even the elderly, is to leave them defenseless and in ignorance. It is to leave them prey to the agents of moral depravity, which the contemporary Christian must inevitably face. Do our priests simply not understand what their silence has accomplished?

If I sound angry, I am. We must all, as Catholics do our part in passing on the ‘inconvenient’ truths of our faith but is it not primarily the responsibility of our shepherds, by their weekly sermons, to protect and instruct God’s flock, preaching the gospel in its fullness? Today, parents as well as children are awash in a sea of moral ambiguity and the consequence of this lack of knowledge is self-evident. Young and old alike are victims of the sexually depraved era in which we live and we need courageous leaders to pastor the flock into safe pastures. My heart continues to long for an unequivocal sermon, preached from the pulpit on the moral choices that face the contemporary Christian and I must admit, that I fear for the majority of our priests who will give an accounting one day to the God of Heaven and Earth, when He asks them why they remained silent as His flock was devoured by wolves. There is another possibility that even I am hesitant to pen. Not all wolves dwell outside the sheep pen. Was it not Jesus Himself that warned that there would be many wolves in sheeps clothing indicating that those we must beware of most, will look like and act like they belong to the flock when, in reality they are ravenous wolves. Whether is is fear, ignorance or malice I cannot know for sure, but what I do know is, that in over twenty years of regular Mass attendance, I have never heard a sermon on the legal murder of innocent unborn babies.

Born Again

Born Again


I have had the "born again" experience, but although it was powerful gift of grace in my life, it was not my salvation. In light of Catholic understanding, these words of Paul concerning salvation make perfect sense, “Work out your salvation with fear and trembling.” If salvation is a process in which we ‘work it out’ then surely fear and trembling are legitimate and we indeed play a crucial part in finishing the race, as St. Paul declares. “run the race as if to gain the prize”, “I was saved, I am saved, I am being saved”. These scriptures and many, many more, indicate that our salvation is an ongoing action/process not a one-time event. As such, I do not presume salvation but rather, I hope for it with the assurance of an ever-deepening faith, and an ever deepening committment to the living out of that faith.

It seems to me that the Protestant idea of 'once saved always saved' denys the gift of the will. Free will is a Holy gift of God to humanity. I am convinced of it. Being a firm believer, I understand our freedom to choose at all stages of our life, as an indispensable characteristic of being human. It is free will that places us a little lower than the angels and indeed ‘made’ in God’s image. We were made ‘able’ to choose good and or evil by God’s choice and God is not an Indian Giver. Ohh, that is a politically incorrect phrase I believe! "Indian Giver"that is.  Joshua 24:15 “ Choose this day whom you will serve”. “But as for me and my house . . . we will serve the Lord”. We are able to choose by God’s will and His design alone.

He will woo us, He will graces us, He will chastises us but he will never force anyone to serve Him, not even someone who formerly pursued and followed Him, such as the infamous Judas. This has been my experience anyway. For God to force salvation on an unwilling soul, even one who was once willing, contradicts everything I know personally of God. It undermines, I believe, a certain dignity that God has bestowed upon man and seems also to presume too much about the state of another person’s soul, at any given moment.

So, the notion that once a person “Accepts Christ, he then forfeits free will and can never again reject Christ’s lordship, contradicts not only my own personal knowledge of God but also the plain words of scripture. It simply is not a reality that I recognize. I know several people who fall into this category, people who were once 'believers' and who now choose their own path in rejection of Christ's morality. The Fundamentalist answer to this seems to be that his or her original ‘salvation’ didn’t actually, truly happen, or that he is currently backslidden and is destined as one of the elect, to return to the Lord's service, or is saved regardless of his or her own sinful choices and behavior and lack of fruit or even willingness to call out the words “Lord, Lord”. In light of Protestant thinking these interpretations makes some sense, except for the overriding issue of free will. The Catholic position of salvation being a process in which we are radically free at any moment to either choose discipleship through obedience or to reject God by disobedience, makes far greater sense to me. The Catholic teaching produces what I consider a Holy fear of the Lord. If our salvation is bound to our own choices then truly we must become humble people willing to repent and seek grace each time we fall, that is, if we are to have any hope at all of finishing the race. It produces humility. By contrast the fundamental Protestant teaching, produces in effect, an indifferentism to the moral law. For example most mainline Protestant denominations take no stand at all against abortion a clear moral travesty!. If adhering to the moral law ultimately does not matter to salvation, then human nature, such as it is, will choose the downward path. I fear the words of Christ on this issue. They are a clear warning against ignoring the moral law which is an embodiment of His Spirit.

Catholic thinking on this most crucial issue is simple and clear. God gives us grace to choose to serve Him. We are free at any time to serve him or to reject His Lordship and serve another, our own sinful desires, wealth, riches etc. God’s love will not force service to himself. He will, however, never stop trying to draw a lost and sinful soul back home to Himself by His great love and mercy. The choice of sin results in the loss of grace for a soul. Grace can be and is restored through the Sacraments and true sorrow and repentance or Confession. We are saved by grace through faith. The nature of Sacrament is also radically incarnational


A careful reading of Heb 10:26-30 clarifies Catholic teaching on this and simply put, makes sense.

This passage in Hebrews clearly refers to a fallen away believer, someone who has received the truth, has been “sanctified” and then has “deliberately” chosen to continue in sin, trampling the “Son of God underfoot”, and insulting the “spirit of grace”, indicating an already existing relationship with both the Lord and the Holy Spirit.

These topics my dear friend, are only some that I have thought about and considered deeply. I have come to appreciate and accept Catholic teaching on them. In fact I have yet to find a truly Catholic explanation of any problematic topic that I have not found to satisfy my deepest concerns and questions and God knows that I certainly ask a lot of questions. I have thoroughly explored various issues of morality from birth control, abortion, divorce and remarriage, human sexuality etc. and have found the Catholic viewpoint to be both scriptural and life giving. BUT . . .

Mostly, the reason I will never again leave the Catholic Church is that I am completely and thoroughly IN LOVE WITH!!! , the central doctrine of the real presence of Jesus, body blood soul and divinity in the Holy Eucharist. “This is my body. This is my blood. Take and eat." . ."My flesh is true food my blood is true drink” John (6:55). “I am the true manna which came down from heaven”, versus what kind of manna? Is not always the fulfillment greater than the Old Testament “shadow”? In the Old Testament, God miraculously gave the Israelites real food from heaven, food that sustained them physically for forty years in the desert. Jesus gave real food as well, but as could be expected. . . it is a real food that (in His own words) superceeds immeasurably the Old testament manna. He gave us Himself, which is food both physical and divine, superceding the O.T. ‘shadow’ beyond human comprehension. It is food for our journey through this life. He clearly declares it to be so. In (John: 6) take note of why Christ’s followers left Him! They took Him literally about eating his flesh and drinking his blood, and He DID NOT correct them. When He made no further clarification they left Him, declaring, “This is a hard saying. Who can believe it?” How can a man eat another’s flesh?" Their incredulity at His words reveals the true nature of His intent. They simply could not understand and accept the radical nature of His meaning. It would have been so simple for Jesus to have just explained to them that He only meant a symbolic presence. He didn't.

I truly believe that in giving us His body and blood, Jesus gave us the greatest parting gift that he could. What does a person do if he knows he is going to die? He gives an inheritance to those he loves, that which is most precious to Himself. “Unless you eat my body and drink my blood, you have no life in you.” If the Old Testament Manna was a foreshadowing of its final fulfillment in the Last Supper, is it really logical to think that only a symbol, as most of Protestantism teaches, is the completed fulfillment of the real, actual miracle of Manna raining down from heaven, a miracle which sustained the Israelites physically throughout their journey of forty years? The New Testament fufillment is always greater than its Old Testament shadow! Do you remember the offering Melchizadek made to God in the Old Testament? It was bread and wine, another foreshadowing. I believe this is the only place in scripture that refers to bread and wine as a priestly offering to God. (Gen14: 18) The scripture declares that Jesus is a priest in the order of Melchizadek. What does the Catholic priest still offer to God today in obedience to the command of Christ at the last Passover/ first Mass? Bread and wine and in return the Father gives back the True Manna, which comes down from heaven, Jesus. And what about the first Passover? What exactly did the Jews do with the lamb after it was slaughtered, after the blood was smeared on the lintels?" They ate it. They literally ate the sacrifical lamb and it became their sustenance.


The following passage from Malachi is another O.T. foreshadowing which points to the Mass.

Malachi 1:11 KJV
For from the rising of the sun even unto the going down of the same my name shall be great among the GENTILES; and in EVERY PLACE incense shall be offered unto my name, and a PURE offering: for my name shall be great among the heathen, saith the Lord of hosts.

Today there is indeed one sacrifice that is still being offered from the rising of the sun to its setting in every place . . . continuing even today from the very founding of Catholicism, the ongoing sacrifice of the Mass, found in every nation and among the all of the ‘heathens’ just as Malachi predicted. Malachi was obviously not referring to a Jewish sacrifice in the Jewish temple, but rather a sacrifice offered everywhere on the earth among all peoples “the heathen”. Where else on Earth is there a universal sacrifice that is EVERYWHERE, ONGOING and PURE? I know of only one, the Catholic Church, daily offering bread and wine, by the Apostolic Priesthood, which then becomes the true manna the PURE sacrifice, every single day, pretty much everywhere, Jesus the Lord! There is nothing even resembling the fulfillment of Malachi’s prophecy within fundamentalism. There is no ongoing universal and pure sacrifice within Protestantism. What about Malachi?

Only Jesus is PURE and thus only Jesus can be the fufillment of Malachi's phophecy. Protestantism must spiritualize the meaning of Malachi's words for it to make any sense at all. The very religion which prides itself on 'Sola Scriptura' cannot take Malachi literally, because that same system fundamentally rejects the literal words of Christ on the all important issue of the Eucharist. In every place that the Lord Himself emphasizes His Body and Blood as true food, The Protestant doctrine must and does reject the literal in favor of the spiritual. It spiritualizes Christs words while Catholicism accepts His words on faith. For the past two millenium the Catholic Mass has presented to God the Father a pure sacrifice daily, from the rising of the sun to its setting, indeed from its very conception, fufilling this beautiful prophecy of Malachi for the Gentile heathen.


It makes perfect sense to me then, that Jesus meant exactly what He said when he spoke of His body and blood. Catholics take Him literally. We take Him at his word. If a symbolic understanding of communion is the great fulfillment, Jesus last wish, (“Eagerly have I desired to eat this Pasch with you.”) Luke 22, then why have so many fundamentalist churches abandoned the practice altogether? His parting gift being relegated to once a month or as is practice in some churches, once a year? Having now received Jesus into me during Holy Communion at least twice a week for many years, I realize that I can never again leave the Catholic Communion. It is the source and summit of my faith just as the Church declares it should be for Catholics. Jesus is the Center of my life and my ability to take him literally into my very being, is a treasure that I thank Him for each time I attend Mass.

So _______, please be at ease about me. My faith is certain and my life will, I trust, bear out my faith. I fully intend to cross the finish line as one who races for the prize. I know you do also. I do not fear for your salvation because I know that you follow your beliefs wholeheartedly and it is the heart that God judges. I wish for you the same confidence about my walk with the Lord. Rather in charitable love, we must continue to pray for one another as true sisters in Christ, holding firm to that which we do share, our mutual love for God. We can be an example of charity in understanding our differing views of salvation and religion. Although there are many things we disagree on, we can both agree, I trust, that we both know, it is Jesus who ultimately saves us! I have written you all of this, so that you understand that I have not come to my convictions lightly, but only after much sincere seeking, study and growth. Ultimately the proof is in the putting so to speak and you shall know them by their fruit. Knowing myself better I believe that my Catholic faith has helped me to conform better and with a more loving heart to Christ and my neighbor.

Love always,
Your sister in Christ,

Silent Shepherds

Fearful Shepherds?


I am writing in response to Father Michael N. Lavalle’s Sunday Epistle on ‘body image’ The Catholic Free Press Aug 26, 2011. I have something to say to you Father, “gracias, merci, danke, salamat, and so forth. . .” Thank you Father from one of the beleaguered faithful, for voicing the little proclaimed truth that sexual immorality within the Church is intolerable and massively destructive to the human soul. Growing up in the sixty’s, I can write from experience. Having drifted away from chastity as a young person, and consequently having also drifted away from The Catholic Church, I know full well the dangers to both soul and body. The two are fundamentally connected and as I see it, the pastors of the Catholic Church, as Christ’s representatives on earth, have a solemn duty to preach on the dangers of sexual sin. How much misery, attendant to unchaste living such as fornication, adultery, contraception, abortion, pornography, pedophilia, divorce, homosexuality and so forth and so on . . . . . could have been avoided if our priests had had the courage of the Apostles and had challenged the depravity of our modern culture, is sadly unknown. By its very nature sexual sin has caused the decimation of many lives. It is not for nothing that St Paul exhorts the Christian to “flee sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:18). I know of no other sin that we are told to flee. One flees a situation that is fraught with imminent danger.

It has been a perpetual question of mine, as to why our spiritual shepherds have remained largely and steadfastly mute on the most dangerous sins of our day. Why have I never heard a forthright sermon against the absolute tragedy of babies slaughtered in their mother’s wombs? Why have I heard not a hint from the pulpit that contraception is gravely wrong in God’s eyes? Why have our priests blithely married cohabitating couples without so much as a blush at their premarital behavior, nor even a mild warning that their sexual sin may be detrimental to not only their future marriage but also to their souls?

By the grace of God I found my way back to the ‘Truth’ established by Jesus Christ, but the journey has been long and filled with suffering.

Having been back in the Church for over twenty years, I am happy to see this subject broached by a pastor of the Catholic Church. I can’t help but wonder why it has taken so long for me to see a published article by a Catholic priest, addressing a subject that has caused so much loss of faith and even life. I have taught many religious education classes over the years and I and have often addressed the subject of sexual sin with my young high school students. I have always found it necessary to first, educate those entrusted to me, on the nature of objective mortal sin, its consequences and its gravity, in light of the Church’s teaching. I have found consistently that the vast majority of young adults lack an even fundamental understanding of what constitutes a grave sin. When, after explaining the relationship of the grave nature of sexual sin, to their salvation, their faces register shock. Their expressions are a testament to the woeful failure of both pastors and parents to protect these treasured souls. Whenever, I have taught on the nature of venial vs. mortal sin, my young students wish to know one thing only, mirroring the question of the young ruler, “What must I do to be saved?” When presented with the truth that behavior matters to their eternal destiny, they wish to be saved and they are indeed willing to change their behavior.

How can they be saved if no one is willing to tell them? They wish to know the truth and to follow it! To not tell the full truth to our young people as well as to the middle-aged and even the elderly, is to leave them defenseless and in ignorance. It is to leave them prey to the agents of moral depravity, which the contemporary Christian must inevitably face. Do our priests simply not understand what their silence has accomplished?

If I sound angry, I am. We must all do our part in passing on the ‘inconvenient’ truths of our faith but is it not primarily the responsibility of our shepherds, by their weekly sermons, to protect and instruct God’s flock, preaching the gospel in its fullness? Today, parents as well as children are awash in a sea of moral ambiguity and the consequence of this lack of knowledge is self-evident. Young and old alike are victims of the sexually depraved era in which we live and we need courageous leaders to pastor the flock into safe pastures. My heart continues to long for an unequivocal sermon, preached from the pulpit on the moral choices that face the contemporary Christian and I must admit, that I fear for the majority of our priests who will give an accounting one day to the God of Heaven and Earth, when He asks them why they remained silent as His flock was devoured by wolves.

Letter From Above


Little One,


Be not afraid, for I am with you. It is I who have given you the sunshine, the breeze, the green grass, blue sky, the blue of your daughters' eyes, the kind and gentle eyes of one child and the inherent goodness of another. I have created all of the goodness in the world. My world, My creation. It has much beauty and much good. It was My blood spilled, My back scourged, My head pierced, My tendons cut by the cruel nails, My heart lanced for the redemption and suffering of My world, My creation. It was My responsibility because My people went astray. So I took the responsibility out of love for you. I have suffered all that you are suffering. I have been rejected more than it is possible for you to feel rejected. My suffering surpasses all because my love is perfect and most tender. Because of this, My suffering surpasses human suffering.

Can you not see that these words reveal to you my deep inner anguish over the many lost souls in the world? My heart is broken as well! I am able to sympathize with your sad and broken hearts. Oh my dear little child you must rely on my strength and love to get through this time. All will be well. All is well. Soon you will see my salvation come to you and your loved ones. Your children and their needs will find a ready helper, counselor and friend in my compassionate love.
I know that I have seemed distant. Not So. I have been quiet but I am not distant. I am present even now. I have not, nor ever will, abandon you. For your love for me has remained steadfast despite all of your suffering. Because you have remained loyal to my service I will honor you with many blessings. Not all of my blessings are painful as some are.

Suffering produces endurance and ultimately spiritual strength. It is this strength that will get you through the hard days ahead and will allow you to be my helper in this troubled world of mine. I am asking you and all those who love me to be my co-workers for the salvation of others. How can you endure with no spiritual strength? Suffering and sorrow are effective means of gaining the strength to help in my noble necessity of rescuing the lost. So Please endure a little longer. My family, The Holy Family is praying for you. We love you as family. Just as I came to suffer and save MY world, we are your family in heaven and we are committed to saving and helping you, just because you belong to us and you have asked.

My Mother’s tender heart bleeds at your tears. She has advocated for your needs, hopes, dreams and desires. She has prayed for all of your loved ones. She continues to plead your cause. St Joseph is also advocating for you. How great a blessing that MY Family is on your side! Rejoice. Look up. See the sky and know that my love comes from many sources and has the power to save, heal and give new life and hope; the gift of faith, truth and joy. Peace be with you. Trust Me. Amen

Faith

“You’ve got to stop doing that.” My friend Netty spoke the words with her usual smile but her expression was tinged with a serious look in the beautiful dark eyes. Netty is a rare woman who has suffered more than most and that suffering frames her faith and love of God. At home I have an antique picture frame that is hanging over a most graphic torturous crucifix. It is made up of hundreds of large thorns and is actually painful to the touch. I have placed it framing Christ hanging upon the cross. His bones are sticking out in all the wrong places, and He is ashen grey. He is certainly dead, the tangible image of a tortured man. It is not the stylized and sanitized crucifix that is most often found in Catholic homes, nor is it the empty cross, proclaiming victory and deliverance found in Protestant homes. No, it is the image of real tangible human suffering.

Netty’s words to me were at once, both a reproof and

an inspiration. No matter what Netty has suffered and is suffering, her delight in God and her confidence in His goodness is the theme on her lips. I on the other hand, fail more often than not to even recognize His mercies. I see through eyes clouded with a Gaelic/ Germanic mist of doubt and pessimism.

If God is all knowing, all powerful and all good why does he allow so much suffering in the lives of His devoted followers?

If “prayer works” as the cliché goes, why does He let us remain lost in darkness and confusion, when He knows all? Why does he delay in answering tortured souls? I know this is the proverbial question that goes back to the story of Job.
I long to be like Netty who accepts with love and trust the crosses that God has chosen for her. She loves Him and that love has produced such deep-seated trust that she seems able to disconnect her suffering from the omnipotence of God and that is where I fail. She and I both know that God is not the cause and source of her suffering but she seems to accept her suffering without even desiring deliverance from those sufferings. That is a virtue foreign to me. I instead, instinctively look directly to Him as my deliverer from suffering and when He seemingly does not act, I confess that I harbor unconscious resentment towards His goodness. This is wrong and the pained look in Netty’s eyes reveals my sin. I know consciously my mistake, but it is my unconscious expectations towards God which still drives my interior responses to Him. Lord I pray, “Grant me a new and fresh revelation of your person. May I know you better and will You lift the cloud of mist that blurs my vision of You?” Amen.

Trust

Trust

Last week, when I was teaching my weekly, fifth grade religion class at St. James, one little boy asked me what I meant when I told the class to trust in God. I remember an acquaintance commenting long ago as we discussed the nature of modern schooling, that children should not go to school to learn things but rather to learn ‘how’ to learn things. His words rang very true both then and now to my own way of thinking. I have always employed the art of the question whenever I have taken upon myself the responsibility to educate another, whether I am teaching painting or attempting to enlighten others to what I know of God. This little boy’s question lighted a candle on my own lack of trust in God, a trust that has eluded me for many years.

“Jesus I trust in you” These words are always attached to the beautiful image of Jesus as the “Divine Mercy”, His arms, outstretched as rays of red and white light flow out of His Heart. Trust is such a little word, a simple one even, but for the Christian, it is essential. It is inextricably intertwined with faith, being necessary for us to please God. I responded to the little boy this way. If your mother tells you to go clean your room and she knows in her heart that you will indeed go to your room and you will indeed do exactly as she has asked, then she trusts you. She knows you well enough to know that you will do exactly what she has asked you to do. Of course she may know that rather than cleaning your room, you will instead go and play a video game. Either way she knows you well enough to know, what you will do. If I told you to go home and finish the chapter that we are working on, do I trust that you will?

Do I know you well enough to know what you will choose to do?


As I said these words for the first time l realized the spirit of the word trust, a reality that has eluded me for so long. Father H---- always maintains that he learns by teaching. He is so right. I have been praying fervently, for many months, entrusting to the heart of God a certain beloved person and her needs. I have had no peace, no certainty, and no joy in my praying. Instead I have had abundant fear and sadness. I really didn’t know how to trust God. I didn’t even know that I wasn’t trusting God. I would say, “God I trust you with this, please help”, and then I would cry out my sadness but upon asking my question to that little boy I came to realize that indeed I do not trust God. I have held firmly onto my burden while asking God to take it and I have done this because I don’t trust that He will take good care, fix the problem and save the DAY. Oh, the strange life of faith! As I came to know my lack of faith and trust, I almost immediately had the revelation that Jesus will do as I have asked. He will heal my beloved friend. He will because I know Him and I know His heart on this matter. We have been intimate long enough for me to know what he will do and what His intentions are. I can trust Him and I do trust Him. “Come to me all you who are heavy laden and I will give you rest”. I am still daily lifting my prayers and intentions heavenward but I have the gift of hope and the sure knowledge that Jesus will do as I have asked and although I have not yet seen the deliverance and help that I seek, I know that My Lord is working on it and I do not need to fear the outcome. Praise God and His faithful and kind heart.

Communion of Saints

Communion of Saints



Communion of Saints




A friend recently expressed an idea that praying to the Saints can open a door for Satan to enter in. I wasn’t quite sure that I had heard him correctly. Actually I am still not sure that what I heard was his intended thought. It was an odd moment for me and in my own impatience and certain pride I did not listen, as I should have. Only In writing this am I seeing clearly that in my own monumental desire to convince otherwise, I lost the opportunity to really understand his fears about the Catholic practice of praying with and through the saints.

As a Catholic who loves the Church in all of its seemingly odd and sometimes confusing practices, I readily admit my desire to share the Catholic view and indeed to convince the ill-informed and sometimes even the hostile, to that view. I have recently been praying a beautiful Litany of Humility. “Deliver me oh Lord from the desire of being consulted . . . That in the opinion of the world others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus grant me the desire to desire it.” There are many other beautiful ejaculations within this particular litany but this is the one the strikes me in the heart. It is a sword that reveals the true state of my healthy and still thriving Ego. As my priest expressed in his Sunday sermon past, the Ego is the ever present “I”. It is this very “I” that the Lord wishes to slay within the soul of the Christian and indeed in every man.

If there is one area that I truly lack humility more than another, it is in this: “Listen to ME my friend for I know better than you.” How many opportunities have I personally missed when I, like the quoted fool, “rushed in where angels feared to tread”? One day, when I gain some humility of heart, I will be able to truly listen to the souls I am privileged to spend time with.

“Learn of me for I am meek and humble of heart. ” Can anyone quote another place in scripture where Jesus specifically directs us to a virtue of His own heart that he wishes for us to imitate? It must be this particular quality that is most essential to our becoming "holy" as God wishes us to become. It is strange that as I have journeyed this life of faith, having tread many different paths, from nominal Catholicism to fervent Evangelicalism, back to devout Catholicism, that only recently have I begun to grasp the need for humility in certain areas of my life. The more readily I have submitted my mind to the mind of the Church that Christ founded, the more aware that I have become of the great and evil pride dwelling within me, so much so, that I hesitate today to describe myself as a devout Catholic, falling as I do, so short of the expressed desire of the Savior.